


It's all about growing up...but gosh, it sucks

by Kouka2201



Category: Gintama
Genre: Coming of Age, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Heartbreak, One-Sided Attraction, Sexual Content, Treason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kouka2201/pseuds/Kouka2201
Summary: "In the future, what do you want to be?"We've all been asked that question at least once in our life. As kids we dreamt big, we wanted to become astronauts, firemen, doctors. Some of us sticked to them and reached those goals, others lowered them.At the end of high school, we ask you that same question again and the only answer for me now is:"I wanna be me. I hope I can be me, the real me. I can become whatever as long as I'll remain myself. "
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Imai Nobume/Kamui, Kagura/Okita Sougo, Kamui/Tokugawa Soyo
Comments: 19
Kudos: 25





	1. we all have something we'd rather not show

Chapter 1

I wish I could start this story with a catchy phrase, or maybe a very popular and inspiring quote from a very old guy that I would know nothing about, but I’d still use his words because I’d find them cool. But no, I’d rather start this story my way. Sloppy and ordinary, like my story, I guess. I was an average eighteen-year-old guy in his third year of high school, in an average town, with an average background. There was nothing that significant about me, except maybe the fact that I was the Student Council President, which would make me a student with grades that were not that average. Of course, my position obligates me to act as an irreproachable student, an example for others, offensive behaviors were not allowed for me, at least not on the school grounds. So yeah, I was a complete ordinary guy that must keep a facade in front of others, but then again, most people do that. There are things we’d rather not let others see about us, things we’d rather keep secret and hidden deep down in our very being for different reasons. We might be self-conscious, afraid of people’s thoughts about us. It may be a way to protect others, not letting them know a side of yourself that would disappoint or scare them away…or maybe, hiding those things might be a way to prevent oneself from getting hurt. Yeah, that may be the real reason why I’ve decided to repress those feelings.

“Hey, two-faced bastard, are you listening to me?!”

I lifted my head from my notebook to face the redhead girl sitting in front of me. She was pouting and frowning, a sight that I found both funny and adorable.

“Not really,” I answered with my usual deadpan expression. She groaned.

“You’re supposed to help me with my homework, right?” She played with her pen, “talk about a useless senior.”

I ignored her comment. “So, you were saying?”

“I didn’t get this part here…” she showed me her notes. We were studying together for her upcoming math test and she begrudgingly asked me to tutor her since she couldn’t afford to fail this semester and risk make up exams. To be honest, this wasn’t so bad. She was not a brilliant student, but she still understood the basics and my explanations, so it wasn’t a real drag. And of course, having a chance to spend some time alone with my crush was always welcomed.

Yeah, my crush. My one-sided, unrequited love for a girl that was four years younger than I was. We’re probably wondering how is that possible? A guy like me could do better, or at least go for someone close to my age, but nah, I actually fell for a girl that was my junior and also the little sister of a friend.

I stole a few glances at the young girl sitting in front of me. Kagura, aka China girl, that was the nickname most people had for her because of her hair ornaments but also her hometown. She and her family moved here in Japan when she was only five or four and they lived in the house next to mine, a huge mansion that was well known now in my neighborhood. Kagura’s father was a busy businessman that spent most of his time going overseas, leaving his children alone in a gigantic house. China’s older brother, Kamui, was a classmate that earned pretty fast the title of troublemaker in our school. He had questionable company but weird enough his grades were always close to mine. At first, he annoyed me of course, we had some kind of a rivalry (still do) but at some point, we’ve also started to hang out once in a while, not outside of course. I would come to their house and play some games or watch a movie. As years passed by, we ended up becoming friend somehow. He was indeed a troublemaker, but he was also serious about his studies and grades, plus, he was a decent sibling since he’s always been the one taking care of Kagura. With their father being absent, Kamui had to be the one caring for his little sister. As for their mother, well, she had passed away when Kagura was still an infant.

“Ah, it’s getting late.”

I looked at my wristwatch and noticed that it really was. She started to gather her stuff and put them in her backpack. 

“Well, I guess that’s it for today sadist,” the redhead stretched out and sighed deeply, “I swear, Gin-chan and his tests are always a pain in the butt.”

I froze. That again. That same name.

“China, don’t you think its high time you start calling him Sakata sensei.” That remark made her frown.

“Why? Gin chan is just Gin chan for me.” She answered flatly.

I glared at her.” We’re on school grounds, and he’s your homeroom teacher. It would be bad if people- “

“I’ve never cared about what people think of me and neither has Gin chan,” she retorted, “that’s what I love about him.”

I clenched my fists, making sure not to change my facial expression and keep my usual deadpanned face. I watched China’s back as she left the library. Why was I so stubborn? Why couldn’t I just give up on her. We’ve been like this since our first meeting, I’ve loved her for two years. I was going to graduate high school and leave for college in a few months, and she clearly was in love with her homeroom teacher/ part time guardian. It wasn’t something new to me, I knew it for a while, even before I had realized my feelings for her. Sakata sensei was the guy living a few houses away from her, he used to babysit her when her brother couldn’t and even tutored her as well. He’s been a second father to her, and they’ve always been quite close. Their relationship didn’t change that much, sure he wasn’t as open as her at school, but you could see the fondness in his eyes every time she was around. They had an unbreakable bond, but if Sakata sensei viewed her as a student and maybe a little sister, she saw him in really different way.

“Ah, you’re done?”

Oh great. Speak of the devil. “Sakata sensei”

“I hope you got to study well Kagura, you have the chance to be tutored by a top student,” he patted the girl’s head, “might as well use him as much as you can.”

“Is that really something a teacher should say sensei?”

“He’s of no use to me Gin chan.” She grabbed his arm. “I’m starving, you’ll come home today?”

“Ah…I still have work to do you brat, not as free as you.” He didn’t try to free himself from her grip. I lowered my head and bit my lip. “Anyway, you should thank Okita kun here for giving a little of his precious time. He’s a third year after all.”

“Ah right, I completely forgot about that.” She turned to me with a grin, “I won’t have to deal with you anymore after you graduate.”

“Yeah, you won’t anymore.” I cut her off. I didn’t want to hear more. I got it already, how much she despised me, how much my presence was annoying to her. She showed me more than I could ask. I guess graduating was a chance for me to finally move on.

“You should go home now Kagura, your stupid brother may be waiting for you at the gates.”

“Like he would wait for me that damn brother of mine!”

“Now now Kagura, that’s not very nice. And need I remind you that most of the time you’re the one brushing me off and sending me away because you want to go home the mister perm head here.”

We all turned to the newcomer. Another redhead with his long gakuran jacket and black pants going with it, and as usual a band aid on one of his cheek, probably another bruise. He approached us and flicked his sibling’s forehead.

“Let’s go home, come on.” He turned to me with his closed eyes and stupid smile, “Oh Okita, you were here too.”

“You just noticed me you bastard…”

“Should an honor student and president of the council be saying things like that?” his sister commented.

He wrapped his arms around China’s shoulders. “It’s always fun to tease you,” his eyes opened, letting us see his blue pupil.” I’d like to do it more but looks like your escort is here.”

I arched a brow, and he pointed something with his chin. I followed his gesture and was met with Imai Nobume, the vice president of the council. She silently walked toward us, bowed in front of Sakata sensei then faced me.

“You’re done?”

“Nobutas! It’s been a while!” the dark blue haired girl smiled a little, “Soyo chan’s been asking about you!”

“I’ve been quite busy. With college entrance exams and the student council, it’s been hectic.”

“Yeah, I told her that but well, she really misses you and our girl’s night at her house…”

“Apologize to her on my behalf ok? I wish I could see her more as well…”

“Sure thing!”

“Come on Kagura, it’s getting really late.” Kamui said, “Besides, now I guess these two want some alone time, right?”

I glared at the older red-haired sibling while the girl next to me just ignored him.

“Oh yeah, I tend to forget that you two are a thing.”

A thing. Big word…we were not really that much of an “item”. This all thing was more for appearance sake.

“Come on you kids, time to go home, get lost!” Sakata sensei declared.

“Yeah, see you Nobutas!” without even giving me a glance, China grabbed her brother and started to walk away. After a few minutes, Imai and I were the only one in the hall. She stayed silent. I heaved a sigh. Just when I was going to leave, she grabbed my jacket.

“Can you come over tonight?” I chuckled.

“Not quite over it, are you?”

She paused and looked me straight in the eyes. “You’re one to talk.”

What could I answer to that? She was right. No matter how much it bothered me, she was.

“Ok, but not to long, my sister is going to be home early today.”

She bit her lower lip and finally let go of me. I looked at her and man, we were pathetic. Just pathetic.


	2. unwanted guests weirdly never get a clue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! hope you're all doing well in spite of everything that is going on now. I really like this story and I actually now where I'm going with this unlike my other one, where I struggle to find inspiration. I hope you'll continue to enjoy it, if you do leave a like or a comment please, it's always a pleasure to hear people's thoughts. that being said, enjoy your read and be sure to stay safe out there! 
> 
> xoxoxox

“You don’t plan on telling her?”

I was putting on my pants when Imai suddenly asked me that question, a sigh escaped my mouth. Seriously, this girl was so damn blunt with no consideration for other’s feelings.

“We just had sex and you’re asking me if I’m going to confess to my crush?” I retorted.

“Well, I couldn’t possibly ask you while we were doing it so…” she flatly answered back.

“That’s not my point you stupid b*tch!” I cursed. For God’s sake how dumb can a person be, or more like, she was completely clueless.

“I’m not clueless, I’m actually messing with you…” she got out of bed, not even minding her nakedness, she walked toward the small kitchen of her apartment. Not a lot of people knew but Imai Nobume, the vice president of the Student Council, lived a pretty frugal life. She was the adopted daughter of a superintendent and was pretty loaded. However, she apparently felt out of place in the prestigious Sasaki family, no matter how much her adopted father tried to make her feel at home. So, she asked to have a home of her own and be independent, something that her father begrudgingly accepted, not like she really gave him a chance to protest anyway. This situation was pretty convenient as well since she didn’t have to worry about who she was bringing home, which explained how I could come and leave whenever I wanted without being targeted by a doting father. You might wonder why I knew all of this about her? Simple, Imai and I were dating, well more like, we were what you would call sex friends. That’s some shitty behavior you would say, especially coming from members of the Student council, but hey, nobody is perfect. We were both really flawed actually, rotten even. We’ve been like this since last year, putting on this facade of the perfect couple, two people meant for each other because of their respective position.

“But you know,” she came back with two bottles of water, “we’re leaving this year, and graduation is getting closer. It might be your last chance to tell her.”

“What would I gain?” I sat on her bed, “She clearly loves Sakata sensei, you have to be dumb to not notice it. I don’t plan on ending my high school years on a rejection.”

“But it could be good to have closure.”

I took the bottle that she was handing me and groaned. It was hard to admit but she was right. I was pining over China for a long while now, it has been years actually, we made no progress whatsoever and she had eyes for another. Sure, that man was what she was to me, inaccessible. He was a teacher and an adult, plus it was obvious that he only a little sibling in Kagura and nothing more.

“Or maybe you’re too stubborn to give up?”

“Are you talking about me or yourself?” I hissed. She kept her stoic face and dull eyes.

“It’s different,” she sighed, “we just ended things, and in a really civil way.”

“But were you okay with it?” She bit her lower lip avoided my stare.

“Who cares, it’s over anyway.”

I was about to respond something put her finger on my lips and straddled me. I had a full view of her naked form, a figure that I now knew by heart thanks to our multiple sexual interactions. I had to admit that Imai was indeed a gorgeous young lady. Her long straight dark blue hair, her reddish eyes that shined with lust each time she was reaching her climax. Her fair skin, luscious lips…yeah, any man would gladly throw their soul for one night with her.

I caressed her thighs, and she pressed her forehead against mine. I kept my deadpan expression. She smiled weakly.

“We could also end this charade.” Imai nuzzled against my neck. “Do you have to leave right away? I’d like to go for another round…”

“You horny slut.” She pinched me. “That hurts!”

“Forget it…” she was about to stand up put I pulled her and throw her on the bed. She yelped.

“F*ck you sadistic bastard!” I smirked.

“Well, you asked for it…”

***

“Say stupid brother…”

“Hum?”

“Did something happen between you and Nobutas?”

Kamui stopped on his track and turned to me with a slightly surprised face.

“Why would you ask?”

“Well, she avoided your eyes earlier, it was like she was trying to ignore you…”

He stayed silent for a while then suddenly burst into laughter. I arched a brow, now he’s lost for good this time…

“Oi, what is so funny stupid brother of mine?” He was now having a hard time to breath and I was losing my patience, what the hell was wrong with him?

“Ah ha, sorry Kagura, it’s just…you’re surprisingly observant of others and yet, you miss the obvious as well…it’s so funny!”

“What are you talking about? Are you mocking me?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing…” he calmed down, chuckling a little. “seriously, this is stupid…”

“So?”

“So what?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I groaned, “Did you do something to Nobutas?”

“Why are you assuming that I’m the one who did something wrong?” he responded with a little pout.

“Well, that seemed obvious…” I sighed, “I know you, you have no delicacy, especially with girls.”

“Well then, maybe you don’t know me that much little sis.” Kamui retorted bitterly. I frowned.

“What, she did something?”

“I didn’t say that.” He resumed walking. “but honestly Kagura, this is none of your business.”

“What?!” he turned his head to me, and I froze. He had an unusual stern expression.

“Stop trying to pry and focus on your own trouble, would you? You already have your hands full and yet you are completely clueless, unaware of it.” He kept on walking ahead and I clenched my fists.

“What the hell was that!” I screamed, scaring the other bystanders.

***

“I’m home!” I greeted as I came into the kitchen.

“Ah welcome home Sou-chan, diner will be ready in an hour or so,” my sister answered with a warm smile, “You can take a bath first.”

“You need help?” I gently asked getting closer to the kitchen counter. Looks like she was making _nabe_ tonight.

“Well, you can take care of the vegetables.” I nodded and got to work putting on an apron first.

“How was work?” I inquired.

“Oh, you know, same as always, nothing that exciting but it’s still good to help others.”

I smiled. Yeah, that’s the kind of person my sister was, generous, kind, always trying to help others. She was working as a civil servant at the ward office and was dedicated to her job. She always tried her best to give the both of us a good and quiet life ever since our parents passed away. I knew how much of a burden I was to her, even if she didn’t voice it, she was getting tired, it became harder for her, so I wanted to grow up fast and try to help her, I wanted to be able to support her just as much as she supported me all those years. That was why I became the Student council president, why I was trying so hard at school, why I hid the fact that I had so part-time job last year, unfortunately she found out and got really mad.

I glanced at my older sibling; she could be really scary when she’s upset. She insisted that I should only focus on my studies and graduate high school. But, for me it was hard, leaving her with all the burdens and not helping at all. Sure, we shared the chores at home, I always insisted on being the one going on grocery shopping so she wouldn’t be too worn out after work, but I still felt like that wasn’t enough.

“And you Sou-chan?” I lifted my head, “How was school?”

“Hum, just fine I guess, same old same old.” I flatly answered. “I’m busy with my duties as president, my finals, and the entrance exams for university…”

“Oh yeah, it’s already that time of the year uh…”

I was about to answer when suddenly the doorbell rang.

“Oh my, who could that be? You invited someone over?” my sister asked. I shook my head and stood up, leaving my vegetables on the kitchen table. Who could be at the door at this hour? I cursed and looked at the peephole, I gasped.

“What in the world!” I groaned while opening the door, “what are you doing here, China!”

Said girl just kept a stoic face while picking her nose. “Had a fight with my idiot brother, he might ruin our diner just to piss me off so, I figured I could visit, it’s been a while…”

“Are you serious?!” I yelled, “you can’t just come here unannounced and barge into my house?!”

“Oh, come on, this isn’t the first time, I used to do that a lot before…” She completely ignored my comment and pushed me on the side, letting herself in.

“You were eight back then, a kid! For God sake Kagura grow up!” I retorted angrily. She didn’t even budge nor turned to me and nonchalantly took off her sneakers.

“Oh, my that smells good, what are you guys making?!”

“Hey, are you even- “

“Oh, my if it isn’t Kagura-chan! Long time no see!” my sister came to meet our unwanted guest.

“Mitsu nee chan! It’s been a while indeed! How have you been?”

“Well and you? My you’re becoming more beautiful each passing days…”

“Thank you! Same to you! I really can’t believe you’re related to sadist.”

“Hey! What are you- “

“Come now, you’re staying for diner?” my sister cut me off, “We’re making nabe…”

“Yeah! I’d love to!”

They both ignored me and went to the kitchen, I could hear them giggling and I heaved a sigh. What the hell? I already had to handle her at school but now at home too? Who runs off to their neighbors’ after a fight with their stupid sibling anyway? I cursed and closed the door before joining the two people in my house that now became really noisy.


	3. repressed desires

“So, what exactly did you fight about this time?”

The red headed girl sitting on my couch and enjoying the TV didn’t even bother looking at me and answered, ‘nothing much’ while shrugging.

“I just asked him if something happened between him and Nobutas, they seem weird when they’re around each other…”

‘Yeah, no kidding.’ I thought. Of course they’d feel awkward, considering the fact that they used to date in secret unbeknown to everyone at school, it’s pretty normal for them to feel uneasy now, especially when you knew how they broke up. But I was probably the only one who knew about that since I was somewhat involved.

I sighed. To be honest, I didn’t know the real reason of their breakup either, but it must have been pretty bad for them to act the way they do. Imai always told me that they ended it on a mutual agreement because it wasn’t working anymore, pretty simple…I wasn’t convinced at all, I knew Kamui, things like tight schedules and being busy weren’t good enough reasons for him to break up with a girl that he truly cared about. And yeah, he really did. I had seen them together on many occasions since I was the only one who knew about their secret rendezvous, and they were definitely crazy for each other. So, obviously, I was the first one surprised when one day Imai came to my house with empty eyes and told me that they were over. We talked (well, I talked, since she didn’t want to say much) and before we knew it, we ended up in bed together. Good thing my sister was at a coworker’s place that day. It had been something sudden, I felt like crap when I woke up the morning after. I had slept with a friend’s girlfriend, or more like ex-girlfriend but damn they had just broken up. However, seeing Imai deprived of any kind of emotions, almost lifeless that day, I couldn’t act like an ass or tease her, so I tried comforting the girl…unfortunately, she desperately yearned for more, another kind of comfort. I had tried to reason with her but the look she had given me that day, her pleading voice, she had been that miserable without him.

“Soyou has been feeling down lately,” China said in a sad voice, “she feel like Nobume is distancing herself from her.”

Well, that was true. A few months after their breakup, Kamui had started dating Tokugawa Soyou, the sister of the current Prime minister, and the best friend of Kagura. It had been a shock for everyone at school, the infamous bad boy dating the cute and innocent Soyou, that was crazy.

“Well, I still don’t understand what she sees in my idiot brother but at least he can help her taking her mind off things.” She heaved a sigh. “I guess I’ll go home now…”

She got out of the couch and stretched herself. “Tell Mitsu-nee that dinner was excellent, just like I remember…”

“The last time we had dinner together was on you twelfth birthday.” She arched a brow.

“I’m surprised you remember that…well, that was only two years ago but still…”

You bet I remember. Her father was still on a business trip that day and only send her a card and a new dress, while her brother was out with his gang and left her alone on her special day. She put on a brave face, but I knew that was just a façade, she had been pretty disappointed and sad that day, but she didn’t want to admit that, especially not to me. So, I had told my sister about it and we had invited her over for a surprise party. She had been uneasy at first but after a while she had enjoyed herself more than ever. I just couldn’t bear seeing her in pain or lonely, I just couldn’t.

Kagura finished putting her shoes on and turned to me with a grin. I couldn’t help but smile. There it is, I live for that cocky smile. Those blue eyes that always shined with excitement whenever she was all joyful, her puffy cheeks whenever she was pouting… damn, I was screwed.

“Well, thank you for dinner Sadist, say bye to your sister for me ‘kay!” she was about to cross the doorstep when I grabbed her arm without thinking. The red headed turned to me.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I…” Damn it all. What was I thinking? Sougo you idiot! Why would you stop her and then stay silent?

“Oy Sadist! What do you want?”

“I’ll walk you home.” I blurted while putting on my own outdoor shoes.

“Why? I live next to- “

“I know,” I cut her off, “But it’s nighttime, I don’t want my sister to nag me about not acting like a gentleman and walk a young lady home when it’s so late.”

She stayed silent. “Come on.” I insisted, pointing outside. Kagura waited a few more minutes then resigned herself to accept my offer. I smirked, ‘well, aren’t you cute when you’re this docile,’ I thought. We started to walk in the empty street in silence. To be honest, she was right, she literally lived next door so there wasn’t any real reason for me to walk her home, still, maybe I was just making up excuses so I could spend more time with her. But all the good things must come to an end, and we arrived pretty quickly at the front gate. A big wooden one, the traditional type. I could also see the rooftop of her mansion from here, yeah, she was loaded indeed.

“Ok, thanks for walking me home I guess…”

I frowned. “You guess?”

“Well, it’s just unusual you know…” she paused. “You are acting all…nice, and suggesting this, taking me home I mean. Why? I feel like there is something behind all this…” she stared at me, dubiously.

“Why are you always imagining the worst coming from me?” I groaned. This girl really did not think much of me, did she? She only saw me as a scumbag, and frankly, I was wondering what and when have I done whatever I did, to deserve this kind of treatment. I mean, sure, I teased her, like a lot, ever since I met her, but I’ve never really done anything so horrible for her to think so poorly of me.

“Just get inside already…you’re such a pain.” I hissed.

“What?! I never asked you to come with me dammit!” China shrieked with a pout.

“You’re so stubborn,” I came closer, just a few inches from her. Her eyes widened when she realized our proximity and she took a step back.

“Wh-what the hell sadist, you’re too close…” she whispered.

Ignoring her comment, I brought my face closer. She automatically closed her eyes when I pressed my forehead against hers. I stared at her face and smiled. She was blushing so much, and I could see it under the light of the street lamp. She was so darn cute…

“Come on!! You’re really too close now!” she kept her eyes closed. I sighed inwardly, took a step back and flicked her forehead. Kagura finally decided to open her eyes and cursed, frowning at me and still blushing.

“What’s your deal! Suddenly acting so shamelessly…” she yelled, “can’t you respect a lady’s personal space?!”

“I can. Just bring me a real lady.” I teased her with a grin. I tried to reach out to her, she backed away instantly. “Now what?!”

I let my hand fall flat and chuckled. “Nothing. Just go home, it’s getting late.”

She stuck her tongue out and headed inside her mansion, not turning back. I put my hands in my pockets. What was I trying to do? Reaching out? Showing so openly my yeaning like that…shameless? Yeah, that was indeed shameless of me. Those hands that had touched another woman wanted to reach someone like her, someone so pure and innocent. Someone so lovely and honest. True to herself…

“I don’t have that right…” I whispered in the quiet of the night. “Not one bit…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you'll enjoy this new chapter. I'll try to update as much as I can since I'll be really busy next week. Btw, english is not my first language so...sorry if there are many mistakes ( I hope not) 
> 
> see ya!!


	4. The one left behind and the one fearing the same fate

“So, you went to Sougo’s yesterday?”

I turned to Soyou while gobbling my last onigiri. “Yeah, your stupid boyfriend was being an ass, so I ran away next door.” I mumbled, munching. She laughed, a good sound in my eyes, considering the fact that she has been down for a while now.

We were enjoying our meal since it was finally lunch time, my favorite moment of the day. Soyou and I usually eat together during that break, sometimes Nobutas would join us but lately we really didn’t get to see her often, something that saddened Soyou a lot. She was convinced that Nobume was avoiding her.

“He can be a little too honest I guess…but I kind of like that about him.” Soyou said in a sweet voice.

“More like rude.” I swung my legs.

“Maybe…but, at least with him I’m not afraid of being fooled by fake smiles that hides ulterior motives.”

“Soyou-chan…”

True. Knowing her position, many people approached her for all the wrong reasons, they tried to befriend her just to enter her private life and of course, in the long term, get a chance to gain contacts with some big shots in the government for their family or their own interests. Soyou has been constantly surrounded by artificial people, at least until she met me and later on my brother. As for Nobume, she has known her for a little longer since her father was some kind of a big deal in town as well, a superintendent I believe…so yeah, they’ve known each other for a while so seeing Nobutas being so distant with her, I could understand her worries.

“Are you still concerned about Nobutas?” I bluntly asked. Soyou turned to me, eyes slightly widened, then smiled weakly.

“I know you told me not to worry but…I just can’t help myself Kagura chan…” she sighed. “What if Nobume-san hates me?”

“Why would she hate you?!”

“Well…”

“Soyou.”

We both faced the new comers and I whined when I saw my idiot brother and his loyal ‘retainer’, as I liked to call him, Abuto. Kamui approached us and patted Soyou’s head, as usual she slightly blushed.

“Hi Princess,” he said in a really soft voice. I almost puked. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for Soyou but even after a year I was not used to this side of Kamui.

“What are you doing here stupid brother? Not rampaging and causing troubles today?” I teased with a grin. He kept his trademark smile.

“Well, I’m a third-year, stupid sister of mine, so I have other stuff to do unlike you. You’re just wasting your time every day, acting as a total waste of a human being.” He retorted.

“What did ya say bastard?!” I yelled. “You wanna go?!!”

“Anytime you weakling,” he answered back. I stood up, rolling up my sleeves with the intention of beating my stupid to a pulp but I was stopped by the sudden sound of the school bell, marking the end of lunch break. I groaned and cursed.

“I’ll see you home, we’ll settle our scores you dumbass!” I challenged.

“Fine by me. GTA, street Fighter or Mortal combat?” He crossed his arms full of confidence.

“Mortal combat you moron, I’ll kill you!!!” I grabbed my backpack. “Come on, let’s go Soyou chan!”

“Ah wait, I need to talk with her first.” I arched a brow, glanced at Soyou with a questioning look.

“Why?” I asked.

“None of your business.”

“What- “

“It’s okay Kagura chan, I’ll see you in class.” Soyou cut me off and stood next to my brother, grabbing his arm. I made a face.

“Geez, you guys are too lovey-dovey you know, how annoying…”

“Then just find a boyfriend if you’re jealous.”

I heaved an annoyed sigh. “Go to hell.” I hissed before turning my back to them.

***

“Soyou, you shouldn’t worry too much about Imai.”

The girl walking by my side looked up and smiled sadly at me.

“Kagura-chan told you?” I nodded. “I asked her not to.”

“She was worried about you.” I stopped and placed my self in front of my girlfriend, facing her and forcing her to stop as well. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want someone like her stressing you out and making you all anxious.” That last sentence made her frown.

“What do you mean someone like her?!” She hissed, “She’s my friend!”

“If she is truly your friend, why is she letting you feel this way?”

She paused and bit her lower lip while clinching her fists. I inwardly cursed. I hated seeing her like this. All tormented, battling anxiety, feeling sad, I just couldn’t bear it. I patted her head, a gesture that never failed to lessen her worries and pain. I’ve always found it quite cute, how she slowly loosened up every time I did this, just like how I could calm down and feel at peace whenever she was next to me.

“Look Princess,” I whispered, “I get it ok? I understand how you feel, but you cannot let whatever is going on with Nobume trouble your mind so much. You’ll be in high school soon Soyou, I’ll leave this year and so will she, you have other things to worry about than people that will get out of your life soon.”

“You sound like you’re planning on dumping after your graduation…” She mumbled but I was able to hear her.

“Of course not! I meant that since it’s my last year before leaving school, you should focus more on us, and how we should spend our time together!” She chuckled.

“I see…you had me worried for a second…” She got closer and hugged my waist. I reciprocated her gesture and hugged her little form.

“Soyou,” I murmured, “Are you afraid of me leaving?”

“Of course I am.” She flatly answered with a muffled voice. I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

“That’s not gonna happen kitten.” I tightened my hold on her, ignoring the students that were passing by with their weird looks directed at us.

***

“I’ll have to go to the teachers’ office, you’re okay if I leave you for a while?”

I nodded. “I’ll just get some sleep.”

“I guess that being a member of the Student council isn’t easy at all. Well, just try to rest for a moment. I’ll be right back.”

“Thank you Tsukuyo sensei.”

The blond woman left in a hurry, leaving me in the nurse’s office alone. I took off my in-door shoes and got into one of the beds, covering myself under the blanket. I yawned. Damn, this wasn’t good. I stayed up too late last night after Sougo’s departure just so I could study more before the upcoming finals and for the entrance exams to get to the university of my choice. Not to mention my duties as vice president. It was starting to become more and more intense.

“Okay Nobume, you just need to rest for a while.” I murmured to myself.

“You’re always going overboard when it comes to your duties huh…how admirable.”

I abruptly straightened up when I recognized the voice of the person who suddenly talked to me. A voice that had become so painful to hear.

“What are you doing here?” I asked with an icy tone. Without flinching, _that person_ grabbed a chair, placed it next to my bed and sat.

“I was just passing by to slack off, but this is a good timing I guess,” He crossed his legs. “We need to talk Nobume.”

I smirked darkly. “Really? After a year, I thought that we’ve said to each other everything that needed to be said.”

“Far from it actually,” He answered back, “but I guess you’re still not ready for that talk.”

“There is nothing more to add. We broke up because you couldn’t bear the fact that I was getting too busy with my duties and that we didn’t get to spend more time together…instead of supporting me you- “

“You know damn well that those weren’t the reasons why we ended our relationship.” He cut me off.

I clenched my teeth. “Then why?” I turned to _him_ , on the verge of tears. “Why did you leave me Kamui?”

“You know why.” He calmly said. “Don’t play the victim Nobume, it pisses me off more than anything, and don’t give me that look.”

“Aren’t you being too cruel?” I avoided his gaze. “I tried you know, it’s not like I haven’t. I tried meeting you halfway like you asked.”

“Then maybe you didn’t love me as much as I loved you.”

“That’s not true!” I tried to reach out, but he gave a stare full of warning. My hand fell flat on the mattress. “I loved you…I still do.”

“But I don’t.” That was a stab right to my heart.

“Why are you here?” I asked again.

“It’s about Soyou.” He responded. I froze. “I want you to stop troubling her mind like that. She believes that you hate her. And honestly, you have no reason to, she has nothing to do with what happened between us. So stop giving her such a hard time.”

I slowly turned my head to him, eyes slightly widened. “Excuse me? You want me to act normally around her? How can I do that? When she is the one who gets to be by your side? How can you ask me that?”

He frowned and glared at me. “I asked you to stop playing the victim.”

“Well, sorry about your sweet little girlfriend but…I can’t do that. I just can’t.”

“Oi Imai, cut the crap!” he suddenly grabbed my arm, I winced. “Stop being a pain and making others suffer just to preserve your stupid pride!”

“Then what would I have left?!” I screamed. His hold on my loosened up.

“Don’t you have your little toy?”

That made me look up. Kamui smiled sadly and took a step away from the bed.

“Forget it. I warned you. Soyou did nothing wrong and she really cares about you. Try to be worthy of her concern.”

After those last words he headed to the door and left the nurse room, leaving me behind yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo!!! Here's another update!! hope you'll like it, I'm posting as much as I can while I still can ^^"" Enjoy


	5. Two fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really sorry for the late update but things has been quite hectic for me (they still are actually...) so, to make up to you guys, chapter is a little longer. Hope you'll like it. ^^

“Sou-chan, are you sure you’re going to be ok?”

I nodded for the umpteenth time. Man, I loved my sister a lot, but she had that bad habit of worrying too much about me and overreact.

“It’s just a little cold sister…” I said in a reassuring voice, “I’ll be fine.”

She begrudgingly left for work and I waved goodbye to her until she was out of sight before closing the door. Damn, catching a cold this time of the year, how pathetic. I dragged my feet to the kitchen and smiled when I noticed that my sister left something for me to eat, all I needed to do was reheat whatever she had made. I stretched myself and decided to go back to bed for now, but just when I was about to go upstairs, I was interrupted by a knock at the door. ‘Did she forget something?’ I wondered while walking toward the entrance. I was surprised when the person on the other side of the door turned out to be my loud redhead neighbor and not my older sibling.

“China? What are you doing here?” I coughed.

“I went to buy some _sukonbu_ and I came across your sister on my way back,” she answered while letting herself in, “She asked me to keep you company since you’re sick…pardon the intrusion.” 

I closed the door after her and sighed. “I told her I was ok.”

“Well, she insisted, and I couldn’t really say no,” she found her way into our living room and lied on our couch, munching her favorite snack. “Besides, there’s nobody home so I may as well stay here…”

I made a face. Alone at home again huh…I took a deep breath. For as long as I could remember Kagura has always been a lonely and left behind child. It’s not that she wasn’t loved but the members of her family were very independent, they were free spirits, they followed the old saying “dog-eat-dog world” I guess, everyone living for themselves. As a result, Kagura was often left alone. When she was a kid, she used to cry a lot and show her pain whenever her brother or father left her behind, but when she reached her teenage years, she got used to it, and never complained nor showed her sadness again. At some point, she just shrugged it off.

“I really cannot understand what you like about that disgusting snack of yours, it’s so sour.”

“It’s for adult you brat, a kid like you wouldn’t understand!” I smacked the back of her head. She winced.

“I’m four years older than you.”

I couldn’t deal with this…God, couldn’t you give me a break just for today?! Why did I have to endure this? I had made up my mind. I was going to give up on my stupid unrequited love for this dumb oblivious girl, so why? Why did you have to make it harder for me? The more I spend time alone with her, the more I’d yearn for her. That was obvious, so come on, get a clue God! Did I do something in my past life that offended you so much for you to torture me like this?

“Oy, shouldn’t you go back to bed?”

“I was going to, before you barged in unannounced like usual!” I sniffed. “Do not make a mess ok? And keep it down…I need to rest.” I said while climbing the stairs.

“Yeah yeah…”

What a pain…What a f*cking pain in the butt.

***

Taking some time alone in the library to study was not a bad idea at all, quite the opposite actually. I needed some time away from my duty as a vice president of the Student Council and also from everything related to Kamui and his current girlfriend. I needed some time to think and free my mind from those worries. So, having one of the reasons of my inner turmoil standing in front of me, asking if she could have a seat at my table wasn’t helping at all. However, I ended up agreeing with a deep sigh.

“It’s been a while, Nobume san.”

“I guess…” I answered in a casual way not lifting up head from my notebook, “How have you been Soyou?”

“Fine, but I think I should be the one asking you that.”

“Meaning?” I asked not budging.

“Well, I haven’t seen much of you lately, and you always refuse my invitation…”

“I’ve been busy.” I cut her off, “As you know, being a third year isn’t all fun and game. Plus, I have my duty as vice president. I need to think about my future and college.”

“Yes, I understand that…” She paused. I finally looked at her. “But I have this weird impression that you…”

“I what?” I frowned. She avoided my eyes and fiddled with the sleeves of her uniform’s sweater.

“You might be avoiding me…”

I blinked and clenched my fists discreetly. Would you look at that, the little princess actually noticed that? Or maybe I was too obvious? I’ve never really been able to hide my contempt or discomfort…however, I couldn’t stay silent, I had to tell her that she was just imagining things. I put on my best reassuring smile.

“You’re just thinking too much Soyou. I’m not avoiding you, like I said, I’ve been busy. I hardly have time for my boyfriend. You should know, you’re dating a third year too, aren’t you?”

She stayed silent for a few minutes then smiled back. “Yeah, it’s really hectic I understand. You’re probably right, I’m overthinking.”

Before I could answer she started to stand up. I arched a brow and Soyou grabbed her bag on the table.

“I’m sure you’d rather study quietly alone. Sorry I bothered you, I just needed to clear things up.”

“Is that so…” I kept my smile. “Well, I hope you’re reassured now.”

“Yeah” She turned her back to me. “I guess I am. Bye for now Nobume san, I hope we’ll get to hang out again.”

“Sure.”

She walked away and I heaved a sigh only when she left the library. Gosh, fortunately that girl was simple-minded. Well, I knew that I was being unfair and petty out of jealousy. Kamui was right, Soyou wasn’t responsible of anything that happened between us. They had become closer after our breakup and decided to date a few months later, she didn’t know a thing, not even the fact that I used to date her current boyfriend. I knew all that, and I knew that Soyou did not deserve my disdain, but I couldn’t help it. She had what I loved, what I still cherish dearly. That ugly feeling of jealousy was eating me and for now, maybe I needed that, I needed to feel something else, I needed to blame someone…

“Uh, looks like we’re really scums, Okita.”

***

I looked at the clock in the living room. Two in the afternoon. That would explain why I was so hungry. The sadist hasn’t left his room at all, was he dead? I should probably check up on him, just to make sure that he’s still breathing. I nodded inwardly feeling proud of my initiative and climbed the stairs, pondering over my decision with each step I made until I arrived in front of his bedroom’s door. I stayed frozen for a while but recovered fast and knocked at the door. Silence. I tried again. Same. Oh my God, he died!

“Sadist!?” I yelled while barging in his room. My outburst made him straighten up right away.

“What!? What’s the- “he looked around until he finally noticed me. “What the hell China?!”

“Oh great…I thought you died.”

“Excuse me?”

“I knocked. No answer. Thought you were dead.”

“Yeah, so why you did barge into my room like that?” I came closer and knelt at his bedside.

“I came to check up on you, Sadistic bastard.” I pressed my palm on his forehead. Still slightly hot, plus he was all red from his neck to the tip of his ears.

“Looks like you’re still feverish.” I stood up. “Just rest, I’ll cook you something.”

“You? Cook?”

“Don’t underestimate me I said, I cooked for myself more often than you think.”

“What tells me that you won’t poison it, uh?”

“If that’s a joke, really lame sadist.” I slammed the door behind me and cursed. What a jerk! Here I was offering to take care of him and even cook him something and the only thing he decided to say was that?!

“I’ll put extra leeks in your congee you bastard!”

***

“I’m home.”

“Ah, welcome home Soyou-sama, how was your day my lady?”

“Just fine, thanks for asking Gramps.” I took off my shoes and put on my indoor slippers.

“Would you like to have dinner right away my lady or take a bath first and get comfortable?”

“I’m not particularly hungry, I think I’ll beg off dinner tonight and just go straight to bed.”

“Skip a meal my lady?!” He yelled. I sighed. “That is not healthy! You’d worry you Dear brother and parents!”

“Not like they’re here anyway Gramps!” I retorted angrily.

“Soyou-sama…”

“Look Gramps, thanks for your concern but I’m in no mood for dinner nor argument about my family, my health or anything ok? I just…want some alone time. Some peace and quiet.”

A pause. I clenched my fists, waiting for another river of nagging but it didn’t come. I gave a quick peek.

“Alright, I understand my lady. I’ll notify the help about your wish.” He bowed and turned his back to me.

“Gramps…I’m sorry I yelled…. It’s just…”

“You do not need to explain yourself Souyou-sama, I understand that young women like you have their fair share of trouble.”

I stayed quiet. “But, please, if the burdens you’re carrying are too much for you…even if this old man might not be fitting for it, I’d gladly share your weights.”

“Gramps….”

“Well, if you’ll excuse me.”

I smiled softly. “Thanks Grampy.”

I went to my room, closing the door slowly behind me before walking toward my bed, letting myself fall flat on my mattress. The softness of my sheets and the smell of lavender lulled me, I felt sleepy. I closed my mind and automatically thought about my talk with Nobume-san today. Since Kagura had decided to skip school today I ended up alone most of the time, but that also gave a chance to clear things up with Nobume. Well, honestly things weren’t better at all, quite the opposite actually.

I changed my position to lie on my back. This was silly. How long will I be able to keep this up? How long were they planning on dragging this?

“You’ve never been a good liar, Nobume-san.” I sighed. “How foolish.” My phone suddenly vibrated, and I read the new message my boyfriend had sent me:

‘Hi! Good for a date tomorrow?’

I smiled weakly. “The two of you actually…both fools.”


End file.
